My Burning Soul
by Soara22
Summary: *SEQUEL TO MY BURNING HEART* My love for Suzaku is more than life itself, but my love for Lelouch is more than my life itself. My heart was the one who chose for me, but now, I'm relying on my soul.
1. The Uninvited Guest

Chapter 1: The Uninvited Guest

_Ok, no pressure. Absolutely, no pressure. It's your wedding day and you're supposed to be happy, right? I mean, you're going to marry the love of your life and you get to spend the rest of your life with him… but what if you don't want to?_

"You do know that I can read your thoughts, right?" asked May.

"Sadly," I responded "do you think this is right?"

"I think you should answer that question," she left the room.

I looked into the mirror; trying to find the beautiful goddess. At least, that's what Suzaku says. However, all I can see is a lost soul, trying to find a way out of this mess.

_Here I am being all dramatic again._

I mean, I love Suzaku, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Wait, what am I saying? Of course I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He's like my best… friend. (Knock)

"Come in," I yelled. I suddenly saw a little pink blob of hair.

"You look beautiful," she said.

"You, too," I said with a frown.

"Everything ok?" she asked.

"Actually," I said "I have something to ask you, Kallen."

"Shoot," she replied.

"Is it right to marry someone you love, but not marry the one you _really _love?" I asked.

Her eyes looked straight at me; she knew _who _I meant.

"You miss him, don't you?" she asked.

"Yes, very much," I replied.

"Me, too. You guys sure would make a good couple." I saw the pain in her eyes.

"You loved him?" I asked.

"I-I-n-no-yes, yes I do," she replied.

"It's ok. He loved you, too," I remembered the past.

"Well, now's not the time to think of the past," she smiled "you're getting married now." I smiled back at her.

"I guess you're right," I grabbed my bouquet and headed out to the front door of the church.

The doors opened; all over the church, royal counts and countesses, dukes and lords, and even Cornelia. Right in front of me stands the priest, the maid of honor (Kallen), the best man (Rivalz), and Suzaku.

It took me like 1 minute just to get all the way across the church. Since, I had to go step by step by step…

As the priest was about to speak, a figure appeared by the door. Everyone turned to see the mysterious figure; they were shocked to see who it was.

The man was wearing a Blacks Knights uniform.

"ALL HALE ZERO!!!" he yelled. Suddenly, he took out a gun and pulled the trigger.

Pure, red blood splattered on Suzaku's robes and on my dress. We looked straight into each other's eyes. The Britannia soldiers shot the man and he fell on the floor. I suddenly closed my eyes and fell to the ground.

(2 Hours L8ter)

_Ugh… w-where am I? Oh no…_

"Suzaku!" I yelled as I opened my eyes. Kallen was by my side.

"Thank god you're awake," she said.

"Kallen, where is Suzaku?" I asked. She looked down.

"Kallen," I said. She didn't answer.

"WHERE IS SUZAKU?!?!?!" I grabbed her shirt.

"Clarissa," she said "he's gone. Suzaku is dead."


	2. You

Chapter 2: You…

When Kallen was done speaking, I let go of her; trying to hold back my sadness.

_Suzaku is dead? This can't be happening! He's probably just faking it, yeah that's it, and he's faking it so he can get out of the wedding! Just like last time…_

"No," I said "Suzaku isn't dead. He's just faking it so he can get out of the wedding." She held my hand tight.

"Not this time, Clarissa," she said "he's gone; permanently."

"NO! YOUR WRONG! SUZAKU WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME! NOT LIKE THIS!!" I started to burst out into tears. Kallen wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm sorry," she said. I cried in her arms.

"Please, Kallen," I wept.

"Yes?" she said.

"Take me to him. Take me to Suzaku," I ordered.

Kallen carefully helped me up and took me to this room. I saw something in front of me; a covered up body.

"Maybe you shouldn't do this," she grabbed my hand. I let go of her hand and went to the body.

As I carefully removed the top of the sheet, I saw the face.

_Suzaku…_

His eyes were closed, his heart wasn't beating.

"Suzaku," I wiggled him a bit "wake up. You don't have to fake anymore. I'm right here. I'm alright, now."

His eyes stayed closed.

"C'mon, Suzaku," I started to cry even worse "wake up, dammit!" I punched his chest a bit.

No response.

"SUZAKU!!!" I fell to the ground. Kallen came over and helped me up.

(Suzaku's funeral)

A day later, it was time to say goodbye to Suzaku.

Everyone from the Royal Britannian Empire was there; Cornelia, Prince Schneizel, even students from Ashford was there. What made it worse; it was raining.

Everyone was wearing black, standing in front of Suzaku's coffin, which was filled with flowers and pictures of him.

When the priest was done speaking, they lowered Suzaku to the ground…

_Mother, father, I bed of you. Please take care of Suzaku…_

When everyone left, I stayed to put his stone on.

"Oh, Suzaku," I said "you may not be by my side, but when I'm in need of your guidance, please help me. If you can't, then help someone help me."

"You miss him, don't you?" said a figure behind me. I didn't look at his face.

"Yes," I said "now I lost four people that I love."

"Four?" asked the voice.

"Yes," I replied "my mother, my father, Suzaku, and-"

"Lelouch," he said.

"Yes," I started to turn around "His name was-"

I saw the man's face. My eyes went wide as ever. The man smiled.

"You…" I said.

"Me," he responded. I ran up to him and gave him a hug as he hugged my back.

"But you were-" I tried to say, but he covered my mouth.

"No, I'm not," he said "I'm sorry I left you for all this time." I looked into his eyes.

"But, Kallen," I said.

"I told her the truth," he said.

"You told her that you love her?" I asked.

"No," he replied "I told her the exact opposite."

"But I thought," I said "I thought you loved her."

"No," he said "not her; you." I pushed my head into his chest and started to cry.

"I'm telling you the truth, love," he said "I love you." I looked up into his eyes.

"I love you, too," he kissed me.

_I love you, Lelouch Vi Britannia…_


	3. The Returned Gift

**Srry it's been a while, guys. I had a whole lot of school work to do. Now that it's summer, i'll try to get more chapters in! Thnx for reading them!**

* * *

Chapter 3: The Returned Gift

How is it that everyday of my life has a happy ending, but has the saddest beginning to it as well? The body of it is a mystery, however, it matters what happens during the beginning and end that makes the body happen. Yet, most of them end up with me holding either Suzaku or Lelouch. Either way, I'm crying.

Holding Lelouch for the first time in years was one thing that I wanted to remember forever. At the same time, I wanted to lock it up in my head and hide the key to the sea. That same day was when Suzaku was sent underground, where I will never see him again. Where my mother and father will take care and watch over him, just like how they nurtured me.

Lelouch wouldn't let me go for at least three minutes. To tell you the truth, I never wanted to let go, but I knew that he was lying. He did love Kallen, and I know that he would never let it slip out.

But is he really telling the truth? Does he really love me? Am I really asking this many questions again?

"Clarissa," his arms, still wrapped around me, tightened. The rain still poured over us, like hail hitting glass and making a crack, "I know this is déjà vu for you, but please hear me out," I faced him, almost starting to cry again. "I've hurt you a lot, and I know that I meant too, but now, I realize that hurting you meant that I was hurting myself even more."

I saw a little tear forming in Lelouch's eye. I thought it was rain at first, but then the tear got bigger and rolled down his cheek. I haven't seen Lelouch cry ever since his mother and Shirley were murdered.

"Lelouch," I wiped the little tear away with my hand, "I don't know if I can believe you. You know how much I want to, I love you so much, but I thought the same thing five years ago when all this drama happened. I thought that-" I was interrupted when Lelouch crushed his lips into mine once more. You guys know me; I'm a sucker for a good kiss.

As the kiss went on, the rain began to pour even harder. Soon it felt like it started to hail. I broke the kiss when I felt the rain steep deep into my cloths.

"I think I should go," I let go of Lelouch, but his arms wouldn't release me. "Lelouch, I must return to the palace." I tried to pull away once more, but he still wouldn't let go.

"Clarissa, everyone besides you thinks that I'm dead. If they knew that I wasn't, then they would sentence me to the death penalty for the things I have done in the past," Lelouch pulled me closer as his forehead reached mine. "You must promise me that you won't tell anyone. I want to forget everything that has happened and start all over. But to start all over, I need you by my side. After everyone forgives and forgets, we will finally be together again. We'll finally fulfill our dream, don't you remember it?"

How could I forget? I wrote it in my diary everyday…

_(Flashback: Twelve Years Ago)_

_Lelouch and I went to his mother's garden for a little talk. We just got out of a meeting that our parents were hosting. Apparently, we just sat there in silence. Lelouch and I got really bored.  
_

_We sat down on a bench right in the middle of the garden, which was filled with many colorful flowers and a beautiful fountain.  
_

"_Lelouch," I said, "I was just wondering, but what is your dream, you know, for us?" He gave me a little giggle as he took my hand.  
_

"_Ever since I met you, I've only had one dream for us," I blushed as he kissed my hand, "and that dream is to marry, raise a family, and live the rest of my life with you."_

(Now)

"I've wanted our dream to take reality ever since you first kissed me," I started to cry, so I pushed my face to Lelouch's chest, "but how am I to know that you're telling me the truth? I thought you were the other times, sometimes, but I just don't know anymore."

My tears began to become waterfalls. Lelouch tried to calm me down, but it wasn't really working.

"It's going to be okay, love," he started to caress my hair. I just couldn't stop crying, "We'll get through this." Suddenly, I started to feel better. The rain started to calm down, but it was still pouring over us.

I didn't realize that I was laughing. Lelouch saw my expression and did the same. I don't really know why we were laughing, but I didn't want to ruin the mood.

Then, something really weird happened; we suddenly heard our lullaby play.

"May I have this dance?" Lelouch smiled and let out his hand.

"Of course, Lulu," I took his hand as we started to waltz. As the lullaby continued to play Lelouch and I sang to the different parts. This is what I wished happened a long time ago.

When the last part of the song played, Lelouch suddenly pushed me to a nearby tree. I didn't know why he did so, until he held me tighter than ever to his body and kissed my neck. I moaned a bit, my cheeks began to burn red. I've never been to close to Lelouch.

How long did it last you ask? Well, not long at all. When he was about to kiss me, my cell phone rang.

_That's one way to ruin a perfect moment…  
_

"Yes, Nunnally?" she sounded worried.

"Where are you? You didn't come with us back to the palace," she reassured. Nunnally usually get too worried with me sometimes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I just stayed back with Suzaku," I looked back at Lelouch. He looked really sad and depressed, "do you need me to come back now?"

"Actually, May and I want you to help us with some stuff. Can you come back?" I heard May giggle in the background.

"Um, sure, I'll be there in a couple of minutes," I hung up. Lelouch wrapped his arms around me again.

"Must you go?" he asked. "I want to be with you."

"I have to fulfill my duties as queen," his face looked sad, as if he was remembering the past.

"Okay," he gave me one last passionate kiss, "I'll text you. I want to see you tonight."

"Okay," I gave him another hug, got in my car, and left the cemetery.

When I parked my car outside the palace, I saw May and Nunnally waiting for me. May had some measuring tools and Nunnally had these different designs in her hand.

"All right, what's going on?" I climbed the stairs and gave both of them a hug. I know that today was a sad day, but I bet Suzaku wanted me to be happy.

"I know it's supposed to be sad today," said May, "but the royal masquerade ball is tonight." She then started to measure my waist.

"The queen must have a very nice costume on if she wants to make an impression," Nunnally started to show me some designs. "Plus, you'll need a very unique mask to match your dress."

"Do I have to go?" I asked. I don't really like balls, especially when I have to dance with every bachelor there. "Can't I call in sick?"

"Absolutely not!" exclaimed Nunnally. "Now, I need to go get some more designs. May, take her to her room for more measuring."

"Okay, captain," May and I laughed, Nunnally loves to boss people around.

Nunnally went to get the designs while May and I ran to my room. When we got there, she looked kind of worried.

"May, is something wrong?" I asked. "You look worried." Suddenly, she put her hand on my forehead. We both started screaming in pain.

When it was over, I fell on my bed. What just happened?

"M-May, w-w-what ha-happened?" I was extremely weak. My limbs were like jelly.

"I'm sorry, Clarissa," she sat next to me, "I know that Lelouch is alive. To tell you the truth, I've known ever since I first took away your Geass. I just waited until you knew." May helped me up, I wasn't in pain anymore, but I was really confused.

"What does this mean then?" I started to think. What happened?

"I'm sorry, but I gave you back Geass," May explained.

"How did you know that he was alive?" I was curious, but a little mad at the same time. Why didn't she tell me? Lelouch was alive all this time, I could've helped him!

"I know everything, remember," she reassured. Suddenly, Nunnally came in.

"Okay, I've got more designs!" She piled all of the designs on my bed. There's got to be over one hundred of them!

_This better be one important ball!_


	4. The Masquerade Ball

Chapter 4: The Masquerade Ball

I really don't want to go to the ball. I mean, seriously, imagine you're in _my _position. Your guests expect you to be one of the most beautiful things they see there, and you have to dance with **every** bachelor there. I swear to god, most of them just want to be king; to replace Suzaku…

"So you're sure you're going to go with the elegant rose color?" Nunnally handed me the other designs, hoping that I would look at them. "It's a little plain, but I guess its okay."

I only picked a plain dress because I wasn't really focusing on the ball. May kept staring at me, smiling and helping Nunnally pick designs for themselves. She didn't even realize that I was thinking of Lelouch and how I could've been there to help him. He's bee alive all this time while I did nothing but follow my duties as queen. Shit, being queen sucks ass.

"Is something wrong, May?" she looked at me again with a joyful look.

"No, it's just that you look a lot like C.C, but with black hair," we both laughed as Nunnally handed May a sheet with a white and blue ball gown.

"That would really suit you, May!" Nunnally said. "It really matches your eyes." Suddenly, we heard a knock on the door.

"Excuse me for interrupting, ladies," said Schneizel, "you are needed, Viceroy." He looked at me with this look I couldn't explain. He did smile, but his eyes looked mysterious with a mixture of flirt. Oh well, that's Schneizel for you. Nunnally left with Schneizel, leaving me and May with all these designs scattered in my room.

May and I started to clean some stuff up, since we already chose our dresses. "May," I ask, "do I really look like C.C? I mean, I haven't really seen her face to face." May smiled, but said nothing. She suddenly took a picture out of her pocket; it was her and C.C at a lake. "Wow, she does look like me."

"A perfect resemblance, well, except the hair," May put the picture back in her pocket. Her smile suddenly turned into a frown.

May has told me many stories about her and C.C. They were really close friends that kept each other company while others called them witches and threw rocks at them. They've been through a lot together.

Then one day, C.C left. May waited so long for her friend to come back, but she never did. So May ventured off on her own, trying to find someone to be her friend. That's when she saw me, sleeping in a torn box on the streets.

May helped me through life. Without her, I would've been dead by now. She was like a mother to me when I was young. Now, she's like my best friend. We always help each other and we never fought.

"Wait; aren't you suppose to meet Lelouch tonight?" May, who was looking through my phone, brought up a text from Lelouch. 'So, where are we meeting?' it read.

"Shit! I totally forgot about that!" I grabbed my phone. "What am I going to do now? I was suppose to meet Lelouch somewhere, but I have the-"

An idea flashed in my head; it's a _masquerade_ ball, which means _everyone _would be wearing masks.

"Lelouch, meet me at the church right now. I need to give you something," I quickly punched in the letters and pressed send. "I'll be right back, May. Tell Nunnally I went to visit Suzaku." May nodded as I raced to my car.

* * *

The church was only a few minutes from the palace. Walking inside was a beautiful scene to see. The bright sunlight made the stained glass windows shine, which made the church full of beautiful rainbows.

_Wow, that sentence was girly._

There was only one person in the church when I walked in; a figure with dark brown hair and a smile that blew me away. He stood up and gave me a long hug, but he didn't let go.

"What did you want to give me?" he sweetly asked. I took out the invitation from my back pocket.

"There's a masquerade ball at the palace and I have to attend it," he looked at the invitation. "I know that we were suppose to do something tonight, and I completely forgot about the ball." He smiled and nodded.

"So I'm suppose to wear a mask," I nodded. "Okay, I'll go to the ball. I'll be the one with the white mask and black tuxedo." I smiled as he kissed my forehead. The feeling of his lips on my body always makes me shiver. And when we kiss, it just makes me crazy for more.

* * *

Night came quickly; the ball room was full of lights and masked strangers. Well, there were some people I knew, but it was only a few.

I was just walking around the ball area. I've already danced with a couple of bachelors; all of them were jerks. They kept hitting on me and touching places that I didn't want them to touch. They were lucky that I didn't kick them out.

"Is he here yet?" I asked May, who was dancing with another bachelor.

"Not yet, almost," May said until she was swept away by another bachelor. Ugh, did I mention I hate my dress? It's a little too revealing in some places.

I decided to go to Marianne's garden, which was filled with some lights. I almost didn't make it all the way to the exit because a lot of bachelors asked me to dance. I refused every one of them.

I looked at the little rose that is carved out of stone in the center of the fountain. I had it carved to remind me of Marianne, I miss her so much.

"Marianne," I looked up to the starry night and prayed, "I know your son has done horrible things in the past, but please forgive him. He was just trying to avenge your death and protect Nunnally. I'm sure you know that, but please help the others forgive him. He's gone through so much these past years. I don't want him to suffer anymore." I closed my eyes to remember the times Marianne and I have spent together. She helped me with my manners and she and my mother were there to prepare me for the future. Marianne was like an aunt to me.

I suddenly heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw the person I was expecting.

"You look beautiful, my queen," he walked towards me and held out his arms. I walked into them and wrapped mine around him. He smelled of little boy charm, which made me blush a bit.

"So are you going to dance with the bachelorettes today?" he smirked as his gentile lips crashed into mine.

When the kiss ended, he escorted me back into the ball room. No one gave him a weird look, which means the mask is working.

Dancing with Lelouch is like a dream. It's like you both are floating on a cloud without anyone disturbing you. And the cloud floats around forever and forever…

I felt a little tap on my shoulder, Schneizel let out his hand for me to take. I looked at Lelouch's eyes; he nodded, but I knew he didn't want me to go.

I toke Schneizel's hand as he lead me through the dance.

"Are you enjoying the ball, my lady?" he smiled as he turned me around twice.

"It's quite lovely," I said, "all the bachelors are kind of scaring me, though."

He laughed, "_All _of them?" he looked at Lelouch, who was dancing with May, "he seemed like a kind person."

"He is, and you are too, Schneizel," he giggled a bit as he switched partners with Lelouch. Lelouch held me tighter through the dance.

"Is everything okay, love?" he sweetly asked. I smiled and kissed his rosy cheek.

"Everything's fine," I said. He smiled and gave me another passionate kiss as we danced throughout the night.


End file.
